Boy, it's been a while! I certainly have missed writing and blogging my life. There's just something about writing down your feelings and sharing your favorite photos or current obsessions that just seem a lot less expensive and time consuming then THERAPY! LOL. I hope you all have been well...all 1 of you that read my blog, haha! I actually just write for myself anyways, and I know my mom sometimes reads this as well...hi MOM! :)
SO, where to begin? Well, a LOT of things have changed since I last wrote on here. I'm single, I'm about to be 27, and my YOUNGER sister just gave birth to her SECOND baby! Yes, that's right...I'm pretty much waaay behind in life compared to her. But, hey, I don't have a man that loves me yet -- nor do I love any man haha...so I guess, there's not TOO much self-sulking I should be doing...I mean I won't be 30 for another 3 years...that's 3 years to find a companion and life mate...oh God, I'm going to be 50 updating this blog, still single, and still JUST an Auntie...who rarely gets to shower her nephew and niece with any love because they live so far thanks to the military! BTW 30 is my age for my personal cut-off before I join a convent or just bite the bullet and adopt my 30 cats to go along with each pathetic year I've been alone.
I guess I have been a little depressed lately. Actually, a lot of depressed. I feel really lost right now in my life. Everything used to seem so simple. I used to believe anything I wanted, it would just be that easy to attain. Now, I worry about never making enough money to fully support myself, much less a family that will probably never happen for me. I always really wanted to be this age with at least one baby, a happily married Melissa...definitely so my sister's kids and mine could be best friends. Yeah...that dream ended pretty abrubtly. Still, I find a little humor in everything and overall I remain okay. Sometimes I just feel like a giant loser compared to others my age. If I'm not going to work harder to attain the family I want to create...why am I not pushing harder to live out my dreams in a career? Why do I sulk and just lie in bed on weekends crying...feeding the pity party for one I'm ALWAYS RSVP'ing for? I DON'T KNOW! And that's the worst part...never being able to pull yourself out of what seems like a permanent FUNK. Everyone says..."oh this too shall pass"...OR my favorite, "why can't you just GET UP and GET OUT and do it?". Wow, thank you genius, like why didn't I totally think of that before? Oh...because I'm fucking depressed and it's not that easy to just snap my fucking fingers and be all like voila--happy Mel! Losers.
I guess I just want to say hello old blog friends, hope all is well...hope I can find a friend that shares my struggles and this journey of indifference in my late 20's.
I thought I'd be grown up by now--perfect career--perfect hair--perfect skin--definitely perfect wardrobe--perfect boyfriend or better yet, husband--perfect baby girl--perfect perfect perfect. Fuck perfect. That shit isn't real. :)
Happy Monday y'all. xo Mel