No More Tears.

Do you ever feel the need and desire to just cry...get it ALL out...but you just cannot for the life of you shed a single tear? Because, the truth is...there was one bad heartbreak that literally took every internal tear possible, and you were left with nothing for the rest of the time...indefinitely. This is painful. A release of emotion is so needed, and yet impossible. 

My current vents in random orders: 

• When you're purposely reserved in new relationships with people to avoid divulging too much of yourself, for the forever internal fear they'll not be around long...you can never give that much of yourself for someone temporary.
• Pretending to say everything you wanted to. That part is the hardest to swallow. But again, #trustissues .
• "Ice cold as the champagne Charmaine keeps spilling on me
  DJ playing all these love songs like I really need that
  And I'm about to get so messed up like I really need that
  Someone remind me, is this a party?" -Elle Varner - Don't Wanna Dance
• Staying so guarded, you wonder why the hell you even entertain shit anymore...we all know your walls aren't going down. Fort Knox Heart Lock Security in this BIIITCH.
• Wondering why the fuck he even said the shit he said if he didn't mean it?! I mean...just keep it Benjamin Franklin. PLEASE.
• Feeling thankful you didn't give the Cookie Monster any cookies. Any of the Cookie Monsters...for three whole years. I'm on another level. I'm worth the wait.
• #GoalDigger #MoneyMission #IcyLittleBlackHeart #MoneyTeam #TheMottos
• Realizing for the one millionth time your physical health and mental health and emotional health are all connected. And noticing you have been letting these things go to the wayside for a some-timey ni99@!
• Becoming angry with yourself because you say you don't give a F##! but knowing you damn sure give many F###!s...and feeling pissed as hell somebody could ruin your detachment method. After all, it's your survival mode. Which, you stay running on...
• Realizing you need to be about The Money and get your life to where you want it to be...and knowing you'll be doing it all alone...and it's going to be a long hard road ahead. Not everyone is meant to have a ride or die. Sometimes, you just are the only person fit to ride your drive, baby.

I just don't have the words to explain the feelings I have. They are a tangled mess of bitterness, anger, hate, love, lust, desire, failure, success, torture, and just a touch of despair. Honestly thoughhh...honestlyyy...need to get over this shit like ASAPPP. 

-Mel xo